Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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