I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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