My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
