I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Randomize
