She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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