I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
