I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
