I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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