Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
