I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
