I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
