A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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