Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
