he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
They have beer where we have blood.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
