For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
