I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
