End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
