Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
