I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
