your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
