Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
