Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
