Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
