go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
