So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I had to cum in my sink.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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