Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
