Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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