And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
