We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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