I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
