I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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