I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
