Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
