We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
