You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
