She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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