TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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