I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My bed is full of blood and feathers
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
