I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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