oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
