I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
