Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
