YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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