are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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