We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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