Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
