That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
