this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
