I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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