Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I party with great urgency now.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
