I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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